Anger management is a teaching tool used by many of today’s secular counselors and psychotherapists to control physical abuse and prevent violence. On the surface it sounds like a good thing, but does it meet all health objectives? Recent medical science research has connected anger to cancer, heart disease, strokes, depression, and other health issues. Managing anger may not be enough to save relationships, achieve sufficient health, and gain peace of mind.
Teaching people to manage anger is conceding that the anger is still present and that it won’t go away. I’ve worked for several years with the prison population. They generally acknowledge that the anger management classes they’ve been through didn’t help them to solve their issues with anger. And it didn’t free them from the pain and misery associated with anger.
Anger management amounts to repressing emotions which accumulate and build up in a person’s life. Anger management is like taking a pill to suppress the pain without attempting to discover and treat the cause.
A lot of anger starts in childhood through abuse, rejection, abandonment, and traumatic experiences. There are many issues which can contribute to the development of anger. The issues may be real or based on inaccurate perceptions of events starting at the beginning of a person’s life. Early childhood anger is a precursor to rebellion, which results in even greater anger because of tension against parents, teachers, and society in general.
In my jail ministry experience, I have never found anyone that is, or has been, incarcerated not having had a major anger issue. Once a prisoner told me he did not have an anger problem. I asked him why he was in jail. He said it was from domestic assault. I asked him, “And you weren’t angry when you did this?” He said, and I recall this verbatim, “No, I was just pissed off.” I asked what the difference was between being pissed off and being angry. The whole group of prisoners in the meeting roared with laughter. The following week, the same prisoner said that he had been thinking about this and he said that he discovered he had a major anger issue. The point of this is that many people don’t realistically see their own anger and that the problem is more prevalent than people would think or admit.
When people are willing to deal with their anger, I have never seen the act of forgiveness fail is alleviating the accumulated anger. Forgiveness puts to death the root of the problem and accomplishes what anger management cannot.
Forgiveness is not easy and it may take time because we may not have just one issue—we may have 100 issues. It is a process to identify the issues of anger and to forgive. To get free of the bondage of anger and find peace, a person must contend with all the experiences that have led to anger and forgive the offender(s) for each offense. Some people have to be reminded to forgive their selves for failures and mistakes.
Forgiveness must be totally unconditional, not expecting anything in return such as an apology, justice, or restored relationship. Forgiveness does not require meeting with the offender, and in fact, it is best not to meet until you are in full peace.
We can get free and healed from our anger. When anger isn’t present, what’s there to manage?
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For more information on forgiveness, see the author's blog: Forgiveness, The Antidote for Anger and Pain
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Neil Elmer is author of the book PreScriptures for Life: A Believer's Guide to Praying Scripture. His ministry helps people achieve peace in life and be set free from the bondages of sin and oppression.
PreScriptures for Life
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